YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE PEANUT WORM

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 22:40:49 GMT

NEW LIVEJOURNAL. ITS

pursued_bylove

SO GO. NOW. READ. Much love all mwah. adios toocoofoschoo. you really are toocoofoschoo

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 00:52:02 GMT

I was really hurt in the past. Anonymous person, I really was hurt, by someone I knew. And it's hard for me to talk about but I was being grateful in that entry for friends and people who I can tell things to. I'm sorry if I annoy you, i really am.

Sometimes I wish I could leave. I wish I could go to a place someowhere far beyond the farthest reaches of space, where the real truth lies. I wish I could go somewhere where I could tell you my secret, and not be judged as vulnerable. I wish I could tell you my secret (which isn't the person I like/am dating- a lot of ppl know that already) and you could just understand. And accept me. But there is no such place.

Take my words, read them, copy them, heed them.

I'm calling this "Drowning In My Tears Of Sorrow, Swimming In Your Tears Of Hate"

Pull me out, I'm sinking. My boat of trust has sprung a leak, and into the water I plunge. Pull me out, don't you want to save me? I'd owe you my life if you did. I'm not going to nagotiate for my life, I'm going to ask you, from one human being to another. Please, pull me out. I've got a choice now. You stand by and watch, here is my choice. I can live forever, swimming back and forth in this pool of hatred you cried. Or I can just let go the will to live, and drown in this pool of sadness I cried. all you can do now is make the choice for me. Drown sad, or live hated? A choice, a choice, to save or to sink. My life hangs in the balance. Send me to my dark demise or let me live here, rot here, hated. Eternity in this water either way. Wait, what's going on? Why are you loosening your grip? Please, don't let me go...please. So this is how you want it to be? You want the last thing I remember to be my hand slowly slipping out of yours, the feeling of letting go...please don't let me go, I don't want to swim or drown. It's cold, i'm not going to be ok. Alright, you've made the decision to let go...that's your choice. All I can say is please don't let go...I love you

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 01:32:17 GMT

today I told someone something I've never told anyone. ever. and I trust this person with this information. I trust this person because I know that this person has gone through a lot of shit lately and is there for me on this one. I hope that this means something to you. Person, I hope that this means that you can tell me things that you dont tell people. I hope you can tell me things now that you keep away from everyone. And that you always will. I know that you're honest with me about virtually anything you are comfortable telling another human. But this is one of those things that I would never tell another human. This is something I would never write down, even in a diary, because people could still read it. I hope this means something to you. Everyone, I learned a lesson today. There are things that we dont tell people. Honestly. There are things that you keep inside the inner darkness of your mind. There are memories that lurk quietly in the shadows of your mind. Sometimes you try so hard to banish these memories for good you forget about them. I know people "Tell each other everything" but there are things that u just dont tell other ppl, b/c ur afraid that you'll be judged. Even by your best friends, because ITS HUMAN NATURE TO JUDGE. EVEN OUR BEST FRIENDS. WE ALL PICTURE PEOPLE A CERTAIN WAY. you can't deny that. when a friend says something gross or stupid u remember it. just be honest. So anyway, I learned that sometimes its ok to tell people those things. It feels good to finally tell someone. Someone you trust. Someone who trusts you to trust them. So person who I revealed my deepest darkest secret to- thank you. For being there. Even though you didnt believe me at first, you felt my pain. And you cried for me. And I cried for you. I've cried for you before, but now I hope you understand that you can tell me anything. I'm sure there are things you havent told me, that you havent told anyone, but now that u know, theres a bond. And its deep. I know you wouldn't tell my secret. You know I wouldn't tell yours. Sometimes books are wrong. Like when Sharma said "keep your inner reserves hidden" she was wrong. There are things that you keep to yourself and there are things that get bottled up, that you have to say. Thank you person, you don't understand how much it meant to me that you understood me, and you believed me, and you wanted to talk, because I want to talk too. I want to tell you about it. You may never understand what it feels like to know that theres someone else out there who has the capacity of mind to cry for me even though they didnt experience it themselves. Thank you, I love you. I just wanted to say to everyone, that there are people you can talk to. Even about those secrets. Those haunting memories. Even things that happened many years ago can still give you nightmares to this day. You may not realize the severity of situations when they happen. But look back, because-They're Real.

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 03:39:38 GMT

I know I just posted but wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I just got blown off. Brooke. What is up in ur brain? First u say im being the fucker in ur monologue and then u blow me off. What the Mother Fucking Hell!? Alician im not mad at u im just kinda weirded out that brooke blew me off? how did she not mean to? what? whhhaattt? how do u not know when ur supposed to call someone and do something? Im just really confused. she could've called me like she was supposed to then all 3 could've hung out or watever...and ben and i could've gone but we couldnt b/c mom said i had plans w/ brooke, and michael was gonna maybe go and....WHAT THE FUCK BROOKE I KNOW U APOLOGIZED BUT WHY WOULD U SAY THAT!??! what!?!?what.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 21:37:23 GMT

alright, I re-did this entry after michael and brooke commented, i just realized that it was a little too christian. If I could write a letter to God, this is what I would say.

Dear God,
Thanks. For all the blessings you've given us. We'd be pretty screwed without you. Thanks for all the crap you put us through too, cuz without it we wouldnt know that there is good in the world. I've been good lately God. I've gotten all my homework done and I've been keeping Tsunami and mudslide victims in mind. Sorry for having been so wrapped up in my own problems until now that you had to screw up the rotation of the earth slightly before I realized that maybe my problems aren't the priority right now. (That earthquake/tsunami must've taken some real God power). Oh, and sorry for the people I've hurt, and thanks for people who've hurt me, because every single one of them (though neither of us may have known it at the time) have taught me something. except hana. no just kidding, even hana. So thanks for everything, I know it all has a purpose or a reason even if we can't see the reason right now. (We'll just have to trust you, you are GOD after all). Oh, just a few little things I wanted to say thanks for:

Furbies
Hydroginated corn oil
Rain days
Energizer (and the bunny)
The spoon
Velcro
The ablity to personify abstract concepts

Forever yours,
Maggie. (Did I really need to sign it? If you're God you'd kinda know right? well I'll save you the trouble.)

That was the shortened version...the longer version had to do with the song Let it Be, meeting god, and crying with my eyes closed. but thanks for reading anyways

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 16:37:59 GMT

raaaiiinnnn. oh ma gawd. DOUBLE YOU OH DOUBLE YOU WOW. its the day after tomorrow, TSUNAMIS, RAIN LIKE NO OTHER, AND THERES A TORNADO WARNING IN VENTURA COUNTY!!! HAHAHAAHAH WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL AND I'M DRIVING THE BUS!! I'm soooo gonna watch that sumtime today. i got to miss allllll the worst classes. i had my factor quiz first! then i had stupid camel porn shabanu in english then i had chorus and flute and then science. ooooh but guess fucking what? I got ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL....IT WAS LITERALLY UNDDER LIKE AN INCH OF WATER. IT WAS FLLOOOODDEED the streets are sooo flooded. but like everyones stuck at home today! oh well not me brookes gonna come over or something at ten. we'll find sumthing to do. yesss hahahah RAIN DAY. TORI JUST HAD A SNOW DAY, BUT WE GET A RAIN DAY SO HAHA FUCKERS. oh mr. enright last night said that when he was like in first grade they closed the school cuz it rained too hard...and THAT HAPPENED TODAY!! HE'S PHSYCIC! this is liek the first time this has happened since like the 80's or something. yessss i am having the best week...sunday started it off VERRRYYY welll hahahahah u'll never know

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 03:34:17 GMT

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 00:47:39 GMT

Ok. Well. I made it into Oklahoma...I know what the headline of my LiveJournal is...

"From Charlotte To Ensemble: Dancing Cowboy or DYING Cowboy?"

grrrr. Oh well, at least I get to be a part of it...here's a link to the cast list in case u can't find it online its hard to find:

http://www.campbellhall.org/intranet/facultypages/porterweb/theatre.htm

go go go see see see what what what you you you got got got

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 23:35:11 GMT

I was just listening to Let It Be by the beatles and the second or third verse really spoke to me...it really makes sense:

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Well...where's the list of people who got into Oklahoma?

it's not on mr. porters website, the performing arts website, mr. enrights website, or the junior high theatre website. So I don't know where else on the "web" it would be. Help I need somebody, not just anybody HELP you know I need someone. I took the magazine pages off my wall. Luv everybody i'll probably post again once i find the oklahoma list...oh and the best thing anyone said to me today after Velasquez made my face puff up was "If there was anything I could do to make you feel better, I'd do it in a heartbeat"...thank you

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 04:23:28 GMT

I JUST NEED TO CRY. I JUST FEEL LIKE CRYING. I KNOW I ALREADY POSTED BUT I FEEL SO FUCKING RETARTED. help...i need somebody help not just anybody...

when you're listening to a song that makes you think about everything...when you miss godspell and would give anything to be under that light again singing with michael and all of your friends...when you didnt start the fire, when you didnt light it but you tried to fight it...when you have a wc paper due next week...when your life is so different then it used to be...when you feel like you've lost, failed, and been laughed at by your teachers...when that first tear rolls down your cheek...talk to me. because by the time it happens to you I'll know what you do when it's over...or at least what not to do...when you can't tell anyone about the best thing in your life...when you feel sad, or under a curse...when you would kill to be under that light again singing...when you are the light of the world...when birds suddenly appear everytime [he] is near...when we can build a beautiful city...when on the willows there...when you can't stop crying it because the hole in your heart will never go away...when hannah's dad dies and she comes anyways...when kayla breaks her thumb...when kaitlin loses her love...when katie's life is swallowing her...when michael's grandpa worries him...when kelsey has to go to a party but doesnt have a ride...when lindsay has a decision to make...when maggie H is sick...when brooke starts to lose her voice...when michael's scary story scares sophie...when Katie M is having trouble with friends...and you would die a million deaths just to hear michael sing all good gifts...when you're...me.

I know we're all past teh "I miss godspell stage" but I'm not. Here's what I was thinking about...there's no memory of us in that theatre. We'll be long since gone from that theatre and no one will ever know that once there were a group of kids who sang and danced and made idiots of themselves on that stage, and had the most life changing expierience. No one will ever know how much it meant to us. We're just a group of kids...and no one will ever know...the blood and sweat and tears that we used to build the memories that will last all our lives...and maybe one day...when we're all old and withered...some will have been crippled, some will be millionares, some will go deaf and blind...but we'll all remember...and of all the things that ever made us cry...this one we'll rememeber. When I read this out loud I cry...I guess it's the beauty of tgeh whole thing. We'd give anything to go back because its such a rare and beautiful thing...but if we went back it wouldnt be as special or as rare. It's like seeing the most beautiful rose that ever bloomed, the last of its kind...if you pick it, it will wither and die...you can't sit next to it forever, because then you will no longer be capable of living...you can't show it to other people because it will depleat it of it's beauty...all you can do is leave...and remember...so I may cry, I may laugh, I may tell stories of the times we sat in a circle and ate kix and told ghost stories...I may smile i may frown i may be dust in the wind i may laugh and cry and dance and sing and share but I will NEVER EVER forget...

oh god I'm bleeding...i'd write more but i really am trying to stop crying so... :( Well Godspell, I thought I'd get over you...I guess I was wrong. Oh god I'm dead...

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 00:42:43 GMT

I'm. So. Fucking. Excited. About. The. Valentine's. Day. Dance. They always promise one but we never get one...

what a blessed release
and what a masquerade!

There's so much I want to say but honestly can't. Guess what I noticed? All my exes usually end up hanging out. FREAKY DEAKY HUNH?

anyway. Umm. I love you. I don't know who that was to...but whoever it's to I love you.

i took all the magazine pages off my wall. my door still has them tho
so anyways, cant wait to find out whos in oklahoma ok! ok c u latre

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 00:11:47 GMT

No callback. It's cool...i was just charlotte i have no reason to complain, this is my chance to be a team player.

Oh, and I'm cool about the thing i talked about last time. I think.

If I take a chance
I'm screwed
If I dont
I'm screwed
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Valentines Dance this year!!!

I don't think any of you have ever sat in the pitch black for a half an hour listening to morningstar and just cried. I have. Goddamn did it feel good.

But for now...I feel like crap. No particular reason why...just kind of belittled...well u kno wat they say...

"When......you.....feel.....sad (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) or under a curse (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) your life is bad (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) your prospects are worse. Your wife is sighing, crying, and your oooollivvveee tree is dying---templesaregrayingandteetharedecayingandcreditorsweighingyourpurse---your mood....and your robe (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) are both a deep---blue (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) you'd bet that jobe (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) had nothing on you "HATCHAAAA" a-dont-for-get-that when. you. get. to. heeaavveenn you'll be blessed "YOU KNOW YOU WILL" Yeesss it's all for the best..."

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 03:59:26 GMT

I'm so stuck. WTF SHOULD I DO!?! I DON'T WANT HIM KISSING HER! SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HIM!

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 02:59:53 GMT

Are you there god? It's me Margaret.

Dear anonymous reader who may be of high power,

I write you all the time, but you never write me back. I write short letters, long letters, and just-to-be-polite-letters. But this letter is not a short letter, or a long letter, or a just-to-be-polite-letter. This is a very serious letter. I do not feel well. It is a matter of physical as well as mental strength. But what is most ill and affected, is my heart. Now I am not saying that this pertains to love, which it most certainly does not entirely. I am usually very skilled in handling matters of the heart. However, I now find myself asking you this; which matters matter? I have only so much room in my heart for others, and I am running out of room. I am running out of compassion to share and I find myself paying the price. So, if you could help me sort these priorities out, I would much appreciate it. Now, perhaps I may have decieved you earlier in my letter. It is not ALL about love. It however is MOSTLY about love. Not love for a person of the opposite sex neccesarily, just love. I don't know who to love anymore. Alright, family first, then friends, then boyfriend. That part is simple. But, well...hmmm. Now that I have written this out, I don't have any other particular people to worry about. Well. This has helped a lot. But I still feel confused. Well. I don't know what I'm confused about. I feel like something's missing. Perhaps this letter was in vain. Now I know why you never write back.

Forever yours,
Margaret M Stabile

A silent melody plays through the atmosphere. I feel a coldness on my skin. It's raining. How dark the sky is. And for one second, it is not dark, it is lit with the light of a thousand suns burning brightly as lightning flashes across the sky and then poof. It's gone. Where did it go? Perhaps it went to lightning heaven. Straight from the sky, to the ground, then back to lightning heaven. And here it is, the much awaited burst of song from the sky, the thunder. It booms through the valley and I can practically hear all the people in aw of it's splendor. High in the sky the sound starts, then it blasts to us and back again. Straight from the sky. And then the rain comes harder. The rain is now pounding on my skin and my hair is beginning to soak. Straight from the sky then down to the ground and away to the lower grounds where it floods streets, then cities, then the rivers overflow and the lakes are a jumble of the absence of placidity. Fall rain, boom thunder, strike lightning, do as you please. I have lost the will to fear you. I have found the will to take delight in the poetic existence you realize for me. Night falls as quickly as the rain. Straight from the sky. I can't see a thing. Is anyone out there? Is anyTHING out there? Is there life in this whirl of confusion as the wind blows and the rain pounds and the lightning strikes and the thunder booms and the night envelops us all? And then it hits me. It's a choral. It's a chorus of sounds from the sky. This wonderful music that you can't hear as music will haunt your soul for as long as you live. And here comes the big finale-straight from the sky.

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 04:17:33 GMT

Well. I just had a total blowout with michael and steven, where I just yelled at them for a half an hour, and they took it pretty well. I don't want to go back to school. Phantom of the Opera was really good.

Don't sigh and gaze at me...your sighs are so like mine...your eyes mustn't glow like mine...people will say we're in love. That's what I'm singing in the audition. I'm singing The laurie song. I don't care if I don't get laurie. that's what I'm doing. I don't care if I don't even get in. That's all there is to it. It's gonna be a crap show, Alician's not doing it, We might have ONE eigth grade boy we might have NONE i'm not fucking doing this show if it's gonna suck so i'm gonna give it my all and that's all I'm gonna give.

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 05:47:13 GMT

Ok, I'm updating for the second time today but read my other most recent entry b/c it's just as important as this one.

Here is my list of GOALS for 2005

1. Make it to High school. (OMFG u guys...in a few hours it will be the year I start high school)
2. Decide on a religion
3. Get to...well...that's personal...but it's still a goal
4. Not date more than 3 guys. Which I did in 2004 and I'm sorry I just had to confess that because it sucked. SEE RESOLUTION #1
5. Bring my math grade up to at LEAST a C+

Here is my list of New Years Resolutions:
1. Not get tired of guys. Not go through them so fast you know? "Jeez you go through them like butter."-Steven "What does that even mean? That makes no sense." -Me
2. Be more accepting of people
3. Stop my bad habits COLD TURKEY. AND NOT GO BACK TO THEM.
4. Try to not be so judgmental.
5. Be more trustable with secrets. I mean I've always been trustable, but I want to prove it.

So there you have it. Mwah happy new year. Read the stuff under the cut on my last entry.

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 21:59:28 GMT

Went to the mall w/ kaitlin and katie and abby many funny pics from the photobooth. we ran into brooke....we ate a bajillion see things and found an elevator that came out in the weirdest place. then we went to party city and got cheap jewlery and then we went to tha carribean (arr hahahah) to shiver some timbers---lol then i spent the night at kaitlins and in the morning I watched kaitlin and her mom make pancakes. lol. on a heavier note:~!@#$%^&*()? ahem:

The wind is blowing. The rain is passing. Another storm is on it's way. As I look up at the clouds I think of science class. When we learned about clouds. What types of clouds are these? Cu-mu...cumulus! There, I have it. These are most certainly cumulus. Well. Good thing I found that out in the nick of time. Ouch, the ground is cold. And wet now that I look down. Rainwater. My feet are freezing. Aha, but in science we learned that things are only hot and cold based on relativity of the average compared with the current temperature. Good thing I learned that. The air is so crisp and fresh and clean. I feel as though I am an impurity to the air. I am this dirty greasy person standing in this fresh clean air. But in reality, it only feels crisp and clean to ME because I am used to it. If a truly clean person who lived where the air is TRULY clean came here, they would say "What disgusting toxic air this place has!". The smog that infects our lungs and tears away at our flesh and gets wrapped up by our emotions and blown out to sea doesn't seem to be here anymore. I am twirling in clean air the gentle breezes are picking up and spinning me in cirlces and the world is a blur and the faint sound of wind chimes clinks in the distance and everything is a rainbow of confusion and moving too fast and I don't know where I am going and plop! I slipped. And now I am on the ground and everything is still spinning. So I just lay there. And I stare. And the sky is light and nothing is blurry anymore. And now the clouds are gone and the faint wisp of a dream is all I can see. And I reach for it...but of course my hand barely grazes it before it gets blown away...another dream...blown away.

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 06:36:12 GMT

Kaitlin Magowan...insightful once again. Its so weird u said that I was just thinking that...here's my story.

Today my mom and cara wanted to see a movie...so they took Brooke and I and Brooke and I saw Lemony Snicket's (which followed the book really well and was pretty good) and they saw The aviator (which was amazing!!). Since their movie was an hour longer then ours we were going to wander around Citywalk and shop for a while. So we did. And it rained. and then it poured. and then it thundered. and then it lightninged. and then Me with my yellowbox heart slip ons and my tank top and my jean jacket and my soaked jeans and my dead cell phone ran through a foot of water at citywalk running up and down looking for something to stand under or in and Brooke running behind me. I ran into Matt Trebek. I said sorry. and "Hey MATT!" and kept running. And we came to the lockers. and we did that cool slidey thing that you can do in front of the library when it rains. And as I trudged through the water and ran in between pillars and into all the backalleyways looking for SOME refuge from the thunder, lightning, and rain I thought to myself: "This is the hardest it's EVER rained. This is the fastest I've ever run. This is the wettest my clothes have ever been. This is the closest I've ever resembled a wet rat. This is coldest I've ever been. This is the most fun I've ever had." I honestly loved every second of it. Something about it was so invigorating. Suddenly, I just didn't care. Suddenly I was in my own little world. Suddenly...I was alive. And it was then that I realized, that all this time I've been running through life, I haven't been taking the time to even do a halfassed job, I've been doing a quarterassed job. I need to take my time. But then I realized that I don't care about math homework, I don't care about boyfriends, I don't care about good grades, so why waste my time doing a good job? It means nothing. We're all just dust in the wind. The sooner we come to terms with that the better off we'll be. So. I stopped running. I walked. And I took it all in. And I laughed. And Brooke and I ran throught the fountain ANYWAY. And Eventually the rain lightened up. And our parents movie ended. and we went home. And I decided. I'm not going to waste anymore time trying to be what people want me to be. I'm going to be a different person every day. I'm not going to be predictable. Or reasonable. Or moral. I'm going to be...different. Or the same. I don't care what I am anymore. I'm going to be who I am. And you can't stop me.

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 20:12:45 GMT

Saw Meet the Fockers. It was really good. "But I want a chimmy chang-BEEP" lol. Sims2 is fun...nothing REALLY interessant happened...I got a Shirt fo xmas...lemme see if i can find a pic...nope. can't. But it said "Paris For President" (and had a picture of paris hilton from shoulders up...it was all prison style like the "free winona" shirts) and on the back it said "She's smarter than bush!" haha...good shirt. I made really cool earrings that I'll explain later. gonna go have lunch. luv you all c u soon KAITLIN FUCKING MAGOWAN WE NEED TO PLAN I HAVENT SEEN U IN FO EVA. SHIZZLE. lol

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 00:40:56 GMT

Love ♥ Maggie ♥

TA DA

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 00:40:03 GMT

Ok. I've blown off the steam that occured when I decided to stop usin my lj. I've decided, I'm just going to make it FRIENDS ONLY. Taking alician's lead. I know not a lot o ppl check lj over break so I don't expect to get many "add me comments" for a while...for the ppl that aren't already added anyways. So! If ur not already on my friends list, or you got kicked off, comment...maybe I'll add u maybe not. Happy Holidays!!

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 03:07:51 GMT

Oh. Ok. Wow. Umm. I got all my gifts tonight (whoo hoo.) I'm watching Shaun of the dead (whoo hoo.) and--my privacy was invaded completely, over something that I was promised would never happen again. So. I'm dceasing all use of my lj. Sorry, I'm not ever using it again. I'm not making another one. I'm done. once. and. for. all. Cara, if you're reading this (which I imagine you are due to recent circumstances which I am obligated to keep confidential) don't be mad or apologize, I do-not-blame-you-nor-am-i-mad-at-you-do-not-feel-the-need-to-apologize-its-not-your-fault. Thanks everybody, I've gotten some great advice through this thing. So, goodbye one and all...Happy Birthday Baby Jesus- (I was going to post that on x-mas but i'm ceasing all use of my journal now so-)Happy Winter Solstice all you wiccans, Happy Kwanza alician, (even though its not over til new years) Happy birthday brooke callie chris and federico- thanks. Bye.

Peace Out.

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 22:09:42 GMT

Hey guys, I was sick all yesterday. I was throwing up every half an hour and then i got a fever, hallucinated (however its spelled) and started hearing things. I couldn't sit up without getting dizzy and a huge headache, and it sucked. Tori, srry but coopers an ass to me, he might be nice to you, and i kno how that can be, most of the guys I like are nice to me but asses to my friends so i kno wat its like to disagree w/ ur friends about certain ppl- oh and i didnt kno u were writing a poetry book, brooke posted a poem on her lj (2 actually) so i felt like writing poetry. Ummm so I don't kno what i'm going to write now cuz i have nothing to say...but im openeing ma x-mas prezzies from mom and michael and steven tonight and dad's day afta tomorrow. Happy Holidays. Oh, and fo x-mas Lily got a pink ugg jacket well its not actually ugg, but its ugg style, its really cute- and wishbone got some hoof chews. i got a vanity, slippers, yellow box shoes (like the ones that someone left in the studyhall room) and sum other stuff so far... talk to you all later.

Karen: "I can't. I'm sick. eheh. eheh."
Regina: "Boo you whore."

-mean girls

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 04:43:45 GMT

Life's good. Not upset, not happy. RIGHT in between. Something good has happened. Its hard to explain and i can't post about it on my lj, but just be content in knowing that something has brought me to terms with myself. Oh yeah, and Ben called. We cool. Not mad at him anymore. Oh, Cooper Bremseth wherever you are---I hate ur guts. So, you can think I'm a slut (which I'm not...haha u dont even kno wat a slut is) and that I didn't deserve fitz...I beg to differ...but we're not together anymore so just be happy with that. I'm in a good mood. I'm not afraid of death anymore...lol...amped about Oklahoma, oh yeah, and I wrote something:

Times, they are passing
While I am asking
Questions which answers
are none

I can't be relaxing
The changes are taxing
And I feel all my work
isn't done.

Where do I go from here
Is there an answer near
And can you help me
get by?

I don't know where to go
I don't know what I know!
And I just can't say
goodbye.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 19:08:21 GMT

I know I just posted...but--There is a place. There is a place far off in between the farthest star and the boundaries of being, where people go when they don't feel they belong anymore. A soft melody plays as you soar past every wish a child's ever made, and every smile a baby's had or tear a teen has cried- and when you've passed the emotions of the past, you'll find it. This star that shines so brightly you can see it from wherever you are, whatever universe you're in. And as you fly weightlessly through the absence of air you look around you and everything behind you slowly fades...and now all that you can see is what's ahead of you...and you hear a soft song of passion play throughout the air...as the stars begin to dance and twirl and spin and sing and soon you can't see anything...just the light of the star you're going to spend eternity on...you too can dacne adn sing with the stars...and as you fly in you can smile, because this is the first time you have really lived...you can't ever go back...and you don't want to...you forget everything you've ever known, you forget taht day at the park where you fed the ducks, the day at the beach you built a sand castle, the dog you played fetch with, the friends you laughed and cried with, you forget everything...you glide closer and closer to this eternity and the light closes in around you...you are forever...this is what it feels like to die. Prepare ye the way of the lord.