|
|
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
|
|
|
NEW LIVEJOURNAL. ITS
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pursued_bylove
SO GO. NOW. READ. Much love all mwah. adios toocoofoschoo. you really are toocoofoschoo
|
|
Thursday, January 13th, 2005
|
|
|
I was really hurt in the past. Anonymous person, I really was hurt, by someone I knew. And it's hard for me to talk about but I was being grateful in that entry for friends and people who I can tell things to. I'm sorry if I annoy you, i really am.
Sometimes I wish I could leave. I wish I could go to a place someowhere far beyond the farthest reaches of space, where the real truth lies. I wish I could go somewhere where I could tell you my secret, and not be judged as vulnerable. I wish I could tell you my secret (which isn't the person I like/am dating- a lot of ppl know that already) and you could just understand. And accept me. But there is no such place.
Take my words, read them, copy them, heed them.
( Drowning in my tears of sorrow, swimming in your tears of hate )
|
|
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
|
|
|
|
today I told someone something I've never told anyone. ever. and I trust this person with this information. I trust this person because I know that this person has gone through a lot of shit lately and is there for me on this one. I hope that this means something to you. Person, I hope that this means that you can tell me things that you dont tell people. I hope you can tell me things now that you keep away from everyone. And that you always will. I know that you're honest with me about virtually anything you are comfortable telling another human. But this is one of those things that I would never tell another human. This is something I would never write down, even in a diary, because people could still read it. I hope this means something to you. Everyone, I learned a lesson today. There are things that we dont tell people. Honestly. There are things that you keep inside the inner darkness of your mind. There are memories that lurk quietly in the shadows of your mind. Sometimes you try so hard to banish these memories for good you forget about them. I know people "Tell each other everything" but there are things that u just dont tell other ppl, b/c ur afraid that you'll be judged. Even by your best friends, because ITS HUMAN NATURE TO JUDGE. EVEN OUR BEST FRIENDS. WE ALL PICTURE PEOPLE A CERTAIN WAY. you can't deny that. when a friend says something gross or stupid u remember it. just be honest. So anyway, I learned that sometimes its ok to tell people those things. It feels good to finally tell someone. Someone you trust. Someone who trusts you to trust them. So person who I revealed my deepest darkest secret to- thank you. For being there. Even though you didnt believe me at first, you felt my pain. And you cried for me. And I cried for you. I've cried for you before, but now I hope you understand that you can tell me anything. I'm sure there are things you havent told me, that you havent told anyone, but now that u know, theres a bond. And its deep. I know you wouldn't tell my secret. You know I wouldn't tell yours. Sometimes books are wrong. Like when Sharma said "keep your inner reserves hidden" she was wrong. There are things that you keep to yourself and there are things that get bottled up, that you have to say. Thank you person, you don't understand how much it meant to me that you understood me, and you believed me, and you wanted to talk, because I want to talk too. I want to tell you about it. You may never understand what it feels like to know that theres someone else out there who has the capacity of mind to cry for me even though they didnt experience it themselves. Thank you, I love you. I just wanted to say to everyone, that there are people you can talk to. Even about those secrets. Those haunting memories. Even things that happened many years ago can still give you nightmares to this day. You may not realize the severity of situations when they happen. But look back, because-They're Real.
|
|
Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
|
|
|
|
I know I just posted but wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I just got blown off. Brooke. What is up in ur brain? First u say im being the fucker in ur monologue and then u blow me off. What the Mother Fucking Hell!? Alician im not mad at u im just kinda weirded out that brooke blew me off? how did she not mean to? what? whhhaattt? how do u not know when ur supposed to call someone and do something? Im just really confused. she could've called me like she was supposed to then all 3 could've hung out or watever...and ben and i could've gone but we couldnt b/c mom said i had plans w/ brooke, and michael was gonna maybe go and....WHAT THE FUCK BROOKE I KNOW U APOLOGIZED BUT WHY WOULD U SAY THAT!??! what!?!?what.
|
| Time: | 1:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  I can c clearly now. let it be. | | Music: | let it be-the beatles. |
|
alright, I re-did this entry after michael and brooke commented, i just realized that it was a little too christian. If I could write a letter to God, this is what I would say.
Dear God,
Thanks. For all the blessings you've given us. We'd be pretty screwed without you. Thanks for all the crap you put us through too, cuz without it we wouldnt know that there is good in the world. I've been good lately God. I've gotten all my homework done and I've been keeping Tsunami and mudslide victims in mind. Sorry for having been so wrapped up in my own problems until now that you had to screw up the rotation of the earth slightly before I realized that maybe my problems aren't the priority right now. (That earthquake/tsunami must've taken some real God power). Oh, and sorry for the people I've hurt, and thanks for people who've hurt me, because every single one of them (though neither of us may have known it at the time) have taught me something. except hana. no just kidding, even hana. So thanks for everything, I know it all has a purpose or a reason even if we can't see the reason right now. (We'll just have to trust you, you are GOD after all). Oh, just a few little things I wanted to say thanks for:
Furbies
Hydroginated corn oil
Rain days
Energizer (and the bunny)
The spoon
Velcro
The ablity to personify abstract concepts
Forever yours,
Maggie. (Did I really need to sign it? If you're God you'd kinda know right? well I'll save you the trouble.)
That was the shortened version...the longer version had to do with the song Let it Be, meeting god, and crying with my eyes closed. but thanks for reading anyways
|
|
Monday, January 10th, 2005
|
| Time: | 9:05 am. |
| Mood: |  i know something you dont know. | | Music: | ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE. |
|
|
raaaiiinnnn. oh ma gawd. DOUBLE YOU OH DOUBLE YOU WOW. its the day after tomorrow, TSUNAMIS, RAIN LIKE NO OTHER, AND THERES A TORNADO WARNING IN VENTURA COUNTY!!! HAHAHAAHAH WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL AND I'M DRIVING THE BUS!! I'm soooo gonna watch that sumtime today. i got to miss allllll the worst classes. i had my factor quiz first! then i had stupid camel porn shabanu in english then i had chorus and flute and then science. ooooh but guess fucking what? I got ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL....IT WAS LITERALLY UNDDER LIKE AN INCH OF WATER. IT WAS FLLOOOODDEED the streets are sooo flooded. but like everyones stuck at home today! oh well not me brookes gonna come over or something at ten. we'll find sumthing to do. yesss hahahah RAIN DAY. TORI JUST HAD A SNOW DAY, BUT WE GET A RAIN DAY SO HAHA FUCKERS. oh mr. enright last night said that when he was like in first grade they closed the school cuz it rained too hard...and THAT HAPPENED TODAY!! HE'S PHSYCIC! this is liek the first time this has happened since like the 80's or something. yessss i am having the best week...sunday started it off VERRRYYY welll hahahahah u'll never know
|
|
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
|
| Time: | 7:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  loved. |
|
|
:*
|
|
Friday, January 7th, 2005
|
|
|
Ok. Well. I made it into Oklahoma...I know what the headline of my LiveJournal is...
"From Charlotte To Ensemble: Dancing Cowboy or DYING Cowboy?"
grrrr. Oh well, at least I get to be a part of it...here's a link to the cast list in case u can't find it online its hard to find:
http://www.campbellhall.org/intranet/facultypages/porterweb/theatre.htm
go go go see see see what what what you you you got got got
|
| Time: | 3:32 pm. |
| Mood: | loved. | | Music: | HELP. |
|
I was just listening to Let It Be by the beatles and the second or third verse really spoke to me...it really makes sense:
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Well...where's the list of people who got into Oklahoma?
it's not on mr. porters website, the performing arts website, mr. enrights website, or the junior high theatre website. So I don't know where else on the "web" it would be. Help I need somebody, not just anybody HELP you know I need someone. I took the magazine pages off my wall. Luv everybody i'll probably post again once i find the oklahoma list...oh and the best thing anyone said to me today after Velasquez made my face puff up was "If there was anything I could do to make you feel better, I'd do it in a heartbeat"...thank you
|
|
Thursday, January 6th, 2005
|
| Time: | 8:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  prepare ye the way of the lord. | | Music: | in my heart hannah is singing "long live god...". |
|
I JUST NEED TO CRY. I JUST FEEL LIKE CRYING. I KNOW I ALREADY POSTED BUT I FEEL SO FUCKING RETARTED. help...i need somebody help not just anybody...
when you're listening to a song that makes you think about everything...when you miss godspell and would give anything to be under that light again singing with michael and all of your friends...when you didnt start the fire, when you didnt light it but you tried to fight it...when you have a wc paper due next week...when your life is so different then it used to be...when you feel like you've lost, failed, and been laughed at by your teachers...when that first tear rolls down your cheek...talk to me. because by the time it happens to you I'll know what you do when it's over...or at least what not to do...when you can't tell anyone about the best thing in your life...when you feel sad, or under a curse...when you would kill to be under that light again singing...when you are the light of the world...when birds suddenly appear everytime [he] is near...when we can build a beautiful city...when on the willows there...when you can't stop crying it because the hole in your heart will never go away...when hannah's dad dies and she comes anyways...when kayla breaks her thumb...when kaitlin loses her love...when katie's life is swallowing her...when michael's grandpa worries him...when kelsey has to go to a party but doesnt have a ride...when lindsay has a decision to make...when maggie H is sick...when brooke starts to lose her voice...when michael's scary story scares sophie...when Katie M is having trouble with friends...and you would die a million deaths just to hear michael sing all good gifts...when you're...me.
( For those of you who were in godspell keep reading )
|
|
|
I'm. So. Fucking. Excited. About. The. Valentine's. Day. Dance. They always promise one but we never get one...
what a blessed release
and what a masquerade!
There's so much I want to say but honestly can't. Guess what I noticed? All my exes usually end up hanging out. FREAKY DEAKY HUNH?
anyway. Umm. I love you. I don't know who that was to...but whoever it's to I love you.
i took all the magazine pages off my wall. my door still has them tho
so anyways, cant wait to find out whos in oklahoma ok! ok c u latre
|
|
Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
|
|
|
No callback. It's cool...i was just charlotte i have no reason to complain, this is my chance to be a team player.
Oh, and I'm cool about the thing i talked about last time. I think.
If I take a chance
I'm screwed
If I dont
I'm screwed
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Valentines Dance this year!!!
I don't think any of you have ever sat in the pitch black for a half an hour listening to morningstar and just cried. I have. Goddamn did it feel good.
But for now...I feel like crap. No particular reason why...just kind of belittled...well u kno wat they say...
"When......you.....feel.....sad (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) or under a curse (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) your life is bad (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) your prospects are worse. Your wife is sighing, crying, and your oooollivvveee tree is dying---templesaregrayingandteetharedecayingandcreditorsweighingyourpurse---your mood....and your robe (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) are both a deep---blue (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) you'd bet that jobe (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap) had nothing on you "HATCHAAAA" a-dont-for-get-that when. you. get. to. heeaavveenn you'll be blessed "YOU KNOW YOU WILL" Yeesss it's all for the best..."
|
|
Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
|
|
|
|
I'm so stuck. WTF SHOULD I DO!?! I DON'T WANT HIM KISSING HER! SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HIM!
|
|
Monday, January 3rd, 2005
|
|
Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
|
|
|
Well. I just had a total blowout with michael and steven, where I just yelled at them for a half an hour, and they took it pretty well. I don't want to go back to school. Phantom of the Opera was really good.
Don't sigh and gaze at me...your sighs are so like mine...your eyes mustn't glow like mine...people will say we're in love. That's what I'm singing in the audition. I'm singing The laurie song. I don't care if I don't get laurie. that's what I'm doing. I don't care if I don't even get in. That's all there is to it. It's gonna be a crap show, Alician's not doing it, We might have ONE eigth grade boy we might have NONE i'm not fucking doing this show if it's gonna suck so i'm gonna give it my all and that's all I'm gonna give.
|
|
Friday, December 31st, 2004
|
|
|
Ok, I'm updating for the second time today but read my other most recent entry b/c it's just as important as this one.
( My List of Goals )
|
|
|
Went to the mall w/ kaitlin and katie and abby many funny pics from the photobooth. we ran into brooke....we ate a bajillion see things and found an elevator that came out in the weirdest place. then we went to party city and got cheap jewlery and then we went to tha carribean (arr hahahah) to shiver some timbers---lol then i spent the night at kaitlins and in the morning I watched kaitlin and her mom make pancakes. lol. on a heavier note:~!@#$%^&*()? ahem:
( Another dream...blown away. )
|
|
Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
|
|
|
Kaitlin Magowan...insightful once again. Its so weird u said that I was just thinking that...here's my story.
( Suddenly...I was alive. )
|
|
Monday, December 27th, 2004
|
|
|
|
Saw Meet the Fockers. It was really good. "But I want a chimmy chang-BEEP" lol. Sims2 is fun...nothing REALLY interessant happened...I got a Shirt fo xmas...lemme see if i can find a pic...nope. can't. But it said "Paris For President" (and had a picture of paris hilton from shoulders up...it was all prison style like the "free winona" shirts) and on the back it said "She's smarter than bush!" haha...good shirt. I made really cool earrings that I'll explain later. gonna go have lunch. luv you all c u soon KAITLIN FUCKING MAGOWAN WE NEED TO PLAN I HAVENT SEEN U IN FO EVA. SHIZZLE. lol
|
|
Friday, December 24th, 2004
|
|
|
Love ♥ Maggie ♥
|
|
|
i'llpaintarainbowwithmywords.